Kredyt hipoteczny

Do takich celów niestety nie zalicza się renowacja czy wykończenie mieszkania. W związku z tym w ofercie programu z dotacjami nieprawdopodobne jest dostanie zobowiązania na taki cel.

Zobowiązanie na nabycie domu może być uzyskany w ramach tego projektu, chociaż maksymalny poziom nie jest wyznaczony w ustawie i wyznaczany jest przez kredytodawcę. Większość banków udziela kredytów na 100% wartości mieszkania, jednak w nielicznych, np. BZ WBK, największa kwota może być uszczuplona do 90%.

Dlatego zdobycie kredytu na zakup na 100% ceny jest dostępne, jednak połączenie tego celu z remontem domu nie jest możliwe w ramach projektu Rodzina na Swoim. Oczywiście taka konstrukcja jest dopuszczalna w ramach zobowiązania „tradycyjnego” bez subwencji z budżetu państwa.

Any holidays where kids are the main “beneficiary” ie: Christmas- (Santa…”Will he like me as well as…”, “Will the reindeer like me as much as…”, “Did I pick that out for Daddy?”, “Did I help wrap those presents?” “Did I hang that ornament…?”), Easter- (“Will the bunny like me as much as…?”, “Will I find as many eggs as…?”, “Are they prettier than…?”,  “Did I color my eggs prettier than yours / his…?”), Holloween- (“Did those people think I was cuter than the other princess?”, “Did you give that little girl candy?” “You need to give me the same candy you gave her, Mommy!”)…I could go on and on.  As they say, “For every season…”

Birthdays!!  Holy cow, birthdays, even someone else’s, are the queen mother of all OCD triggers for little kids!!  Talk about stress and worry producers!!  We have been known to avoid them altogether (misc. friends’ parties), and plan on suffering the consequences.  Sometimes you just can’t “go there”, knowing how long you will be dealing with the fall-out.  It’s a small sacrifice knowing how deep their feelings run and how many people are likely to misinterpret their behavior as “acting up” or being “spoiled” at the actual event, unaware that they were allowing their feelings to display on their faces (exchanging silent glances).  Sometimes you just want to “save them” from it and protect their little reputations.  With birthdays there’s just always something huge for them to worry about.– “Did I pick that out for …?”, “Did I help wrap that present?”, “Did she like what I gave her best?” (To scratch the surface…)  These concerns were always voiced to me personally, privately, and immediately!  And, as always, the expression on her face said it all.  She had her “picture-face”, then the face that showed her true “worries”.  I will always have that “troubled” expression etched in my memory, as it was very common on her sweet little face.  And there are bound to be games (an entirely different can of worms that deserves it’s own separate post).

Obviously, you can’t avoid having birthday parties for your own troubled little birthday girl/boy, so (at least, in our case), less seemed to be better.  I found that having several parties with the different groups honoring her separately seemed to be a little easier on her.  That’s not so say that it will necessarily be easier for you, since this is such a sized-to-fit disorder.  My only comfort was that I only had to deal with this particular issue once annually.  I have to admit that I didn’t brave the little girl party every year.  I did, however, have the family friend/family party every year.  Some years she had even decided on her own that she only wanted the family/family friend party, and would forego the little girl party.  This happened for a number of years.  I also found it seemed to be easier on her for me to plan her “kid” party somewhere besides our house.  This would practically eliminate the “worries” about me giving so much personalized attention to other kids (even her own friends, which was a huge issue).  I could just “hand the party over” to the fine McDonalds’ (or other kid-friendly option) party professional (then taking, of course, only photos including the birthday girl).  Then, when it’s over and you head back to “birthday central” (that would be home), you’ve got one party under your belt!  I did, one year ONLY, make one virtually fatal mistake.  I planned the kid party and the family/family friend party on the same day (A veritable “kiss of death”.)   The only thing worse than a small child with OCD on her birthday would naturally, be an exhausted, over-stimulated child with OCD on her birthday (A very bad idea indeed.)

Anyway, the more you can identify triggers, the more you can help work-through them.  Of course, the goal is to give your child the tools to see there is no need to fixate on these issues; that birthdays come and go for everyone.  Some of these particular triggers, as the birthdays roll on, due to the need to be accepted socially around classmates, etc., your child will seemingly outgrow (or internalize and hopefully, make peace with over the years).  As I’ve said, I’m only a mom, but this is my take on it.  Happy Birthday to us, every one!! …More on TRIGGERS (excuse me…), later.

I found this on one of the bazillions of informational  and treatment sites for OCD.  I’ve added a link to it below as it has lots of good, basic information about OCD and anxiety disorders in general.  This is also one of the few sites that actually acknowledges the existence of  “PANDAS”, or pediatric autoimmune neurobiological disorders associated with streptococci, which is the onset of childhood OCD associated with strep throat (to simplify), and a high fever at an early age.  It kinda gets your mind going trying to remember, huh?

Anyway, there’s a lot of good info to explore and ponder on this site.  I’ve come up with some decent questions for our doctor by perusing sites like this.

http://www.hope4ocd.com/autoimmune.php

This was a good-natured, sweet little baby that loved to play and cuddle!  I can’t say exactly when we started noticing “differences”, but it was definitely within her first year.  (Please forgive my overlapping previous posts from time to time) We started noticing that some of the regular daily routines were taking on more importance to our little daughter.  She seemed to REALLY like/need them to take place in the exact sequence, and when they didn’t, for instance if the phone rang or you just forgot to have something laid out in the exact spot you were supposed to lay it in, she would begin the red-faced, “my arm is stuck in the car door” (as if), kind of scream.  It was the “I’m REALLY in pain, here!” cry.  She’d be throwing herself the direction of where the sequence started.  The first few times it happened, we looked all over her to find what was hurting her before we finally put together that something broke the sequence.

I’ll never forget the first time we figured it out.  We were relieved and horrified all at the same time when she was instantly pacified by our starting over right at the beginning. It was pretty much up to us to figure out which “irritants” in her day, were building into more than regular “fussy baby” things.  Turns out these rituals escalated till they took over meal time, bath time (and on into bedtime), car seat (in and out), comforting after getting hurt, reading a book, and so on.  To say we shouldn’t have all jumped through her hoops is just (excuse me for being blunt here…) ignorant.  “Until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes”…you know what I mean… You are, after all, playing a complete guessing game.  You’re trying to teach basic manors to a baby (not some diabolical, master manipulator-oh wait,…a baby:D ), while at the same time keeping peace in the household and being fair to your other child.  You’re trying to discern which things are just “spoiled baby” things and which things are these “mystery ritual” things. It also seemed fair to attempt to balance some quality of life for the family as a whole in there somewhere.  She had to learn to respect all of our rights as well.  She was just SO young and had all the basics of life to learn in addition to negotiating around these “worries” popping up everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong, we had plenty of sweet times.  We had/have a very loving family.  We just tried to be cautious and really didn’t have a clue what we were dealing with at this point.

Soooo… they don’t know the “right” way to have OCD (the hand-washing symptom that most people expect), but they know stuff around them just isn’t right and the people around them don’t seem to “get” what it takes to “fix” things.  The frustration builds in them as they can’t articulate what they need to have done, which of course manifests to people that don’t know what’s going on as behavior issues and manipulating the entire family.  Of course, this is kind of the case, since they are too young to carry out their own rituals and their care is in the hands of their family.  We HAVE to enable their OCD rituals when they are so small, for their sanity.  That is my momma “take” on it.

At least in our case, in the beginning it was really trial and error in figuring out what was necessary to get, or keep things settled down.  As I’ve mentioned before, our entire day was filled with rituals already.   At the risk of repeating myself from previous posts, I’ll go ahead and give you an example of one of the earliest ones that appeared when our daughter was still in her crib and young enough to require a hand to hold when toddling through an open space.  Keep in mind that we had no reason to suspect that there was anything out of the ordinary going on in her little head.  She was smart as a whip, bright-eyed, and right on schedule with all her cognitive and physical development.  We’d already had one child under our belt (more on him in posts to come–a true angel) ten years prior, so felt we had a pretty good point of reference on relative “normal” kid behaviors. — BTW, our daughter was then and continues to be an angel as well.  If only we could lift these clouds from our children.

Anyway, our day began with our little one waking up in her crib calling for Mommy.  Now, Daddy or her brother  could go in to greet her and “pluck” her happily from her crib, and bring her down the stairs, she’d be laughing and sweet and happy…UNTIL…(drum roll)…she saw MOMMY.  Woops…you’d think she’d be happy to see Mommy, since Mommy is pretty much “where it’s at”.  Instead, (and we’d all try our best to encourage happy feelings) her eyes would lock onto mine and the expression on her face would change to one of complete devastation.  The tears would flow, the screams of actual “pain” would fill the room, and she would DEMAND whoever brought her down, to take her back up to her crib where she would lay back down and cover herself back up with her blankie, complete with a binkie in her mouth.  She’d want the door closed so she could start the entire process over again with Mommy coming in to pick her up.  Of course, when I heard her calling for me, I would run in to get her.  I would hold her tight and rock her right there in her room.  By then, I’d be choking back the tears (not doing so great), and her little face was red and tear-stained, but so sweet and happy, and looking up at me as if all was right with the world and there was no memory of the horrors that had happened moments ago.

Enable?  You bet’cha!  Whatever it takes to give them some peace.  We had no clue what was happening, but we knew there was some sort of trouble brewing.  When it’s you and your baby, you do anything you have to do.

From the very beginning, for as long as I can remember with our daughter, every time any of us was playing with/helping her… in the early days; stacking blocks, coloring, pasting, sorting, etc….then as she grew, making cards, painting pictures, etc., hers HAD to be the very most perfect.  By everyone’s standards, HERS HAD to be flawless and we ALL had to say so.  For example, if her block tower was teetering and we dared to touch it to steady it, she’d come “unwrapped” and have to start over with the blocks back in the toy basket.  This made for less than enjoyable times with MANY toys and games that would have been considered very age appropriate and fun for other “care-free” kids.

Of course, I know that there are plenty of “persnickity” kids that like to have their artwork appreciated above all others.  This is just normal for little kids.  That’s what made this SO much more hideous when she was playing with other kids and producing projects!  It wasn’t just a “spoiled kid” thing.  She HAD to be the best.  She couldn’t bear to even have my eyes “see” other kids’ work.  I wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with any other kids at school or daycare (the two days a week that I tried to work), or speak to the other kids.  This is more difficult than one would think.  In fact, sometimes she would test me by asking me which art I liked best.  If the kids had put their names on the front, I was in good shape.  If not…yipes!  Sometimes, I’d just tell her I was in too much of a hurry and I couldn’t take the time to look at all of them, so she’d better help me out, or we’d have to just leave without me seeing her work at all.

Thankfully, the parents of her best friends were just the most wonderful, loving people.  They understood that many of Jilli’s symptoms and insecurities were centered around me with other children.  When kids are really young, Mommy is their world (or their primary care-giver, which happened to be me).  We really couldn’t have kids over to our house because there was no way to avoid me talking to them and making eye contact with them.  If I gave them a snack, my daughter had to be the one to actually hand it to them.  You just don’t know how many of those things are natural reflexes and you do without thinking!  I broke her heart a number of times before I started thinking FIRST.  It was just easier to let her go to her friend’s house.  There, she seemed to rest from her symptoms, because she didn’t want/need to carry out her rituals there.  When she got home, she’d be exhausted and VERY crabby.  Her OCD would be in full-swing.

As she’s grown, my daughter has clung to the “if I made it, it has to outshine yours” thing.  This, I will admit, has put a lid on many of my crafts.  I’ve pretty much stopped most of them because they are just not as enjoyable if I can still sense, even now, some level of contest.  Sometimes, after I’ve been “crafting” and all seems to be well, hours later, I’ll hear her up in her room crying.  When I go up to see what it is, it’s the “Is mine as pretty as yours?” thing.  It can take as long as a couple of hours to work through.  Usually, she comes to terms with me having the right to knit or felt, or ?.  Mostly, I just try not to do crafts that she’s interested in, but when I explore one, she usually wants to try it out.  I can’t blame her for that.  She doesn’t want to feel those hurtful feelings.  I love her so completely.  I want her to develop tolerance for things that everyone enjoys doing and takes pride in and the people that do them.  Everyone likes to do their best and be appreciated.  She’s very creative, talented, and gifted in many things.  There are others in the world that are as well.  No one person IS BEST.  God made each one of us BEST at various things.  Best is relative.  She is so precious.  So is everything she does.  I want her to experience the joy of “doing” things, not the judging and being judged part.  I want her to learn to exhale.

We were REALLY lucky to be referred by our daughter’s psychiatrist to a clinical psychologist specializing in OCD.  The best part, in my opinion, is that she has OCD herself!  This completely validates everything she has to say and it has opened the door for pretty much any conversation.  My daughter spends the better part of an hour with her, then near the end, they invite me in to discuss what they’ve covered during their visit.  I’ll admit that I feel like an outsider for the first time in her life, but I’m trying to be a “big girl” and be thankful that we have this additional help when, just maybe…, reinforcement is not a bad thing.

It’s weird how I long to have help for her and am so thankful to have the help we have, but am also afraid that no one really knows how she actually “ticks”, deep-down, but me.  There are so many things that she won’t be able to articulate but that could change the whole “picture”.  I need to be available to help when I can but back-off when appropriate.  This is a learning experience for both of us.  One I wasn’t expecting for myself.  I’m confident it’s a very positive thing.

Never underestimate this relationship.  My girl feels normal and empowered every time we walk out of his office!  We appreciate him more than we can say!

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “C’mon-all little kids go through phases-quit ‘diagnosing’ the poor little thing!”  Well, this stuff was way too consistent and lasted just way too long to be a phase.

First of all, we figured the same thing in the beginning.  There were just gobs of “phases” and “picky habits” racking up, taking up more and more of our days,  that we finally had an answer for when she’d been formally diagnosed at 3 1/2 yrs. old.  The rule of thumb we heard AFTER she was diagnosed was that if more than an hour of your day is affected by rituals or sequencing, you should seek help.  Of course, by the time she was 18 months or younger, there was barely an hour of our day that was left unaffected.  We were really glad to hear our pediatrician acknowledge that this wasn’t a “phase”.  We’d had some pretty rough days and evenings with this troubled little dolly and she needed someone besides her immediate family to take her issues seriously.  I started reading every OCD book I could get my hands on.  At the time, there weren’t many on toddlers  with OCD.  Now, the professionals have acknowledged that OCD has no respect for age.

That’s probably the saddest thing I can see in all of this.  These troubled little toddlers have so much going on in their heads and when people just keep explaining it all away as a disciplinary issue, or for whatever reason, and won’t confront it, it’s just a tragedy.  Sometimes (often) you take criticism from family and friends for acknowledging a “disorder” in your child.  But your child is all that matters, and once you’ve turned that corner, you can take steps to help her/him.

I was talking with my friend this weekend and she was sharing with me about her son who, at around 13, experienced a sudden onset of OCD symptoms.  I know adolescents with OCD are quite a lot more common than the younger, infant-toddler “variety” we saw.

Basically, he woke up one day and had to “check”.  I think she said light switches were his main issue, but he had other classic symptoms as well.  She’s a teacher and did all the research she could as far as behavioral therapy.  She said they did everything they could to help him work through each individual symptom and over the next year or so, he had licked his OCD!

Now, I can honestly say that this is the first time I have ever heard of anyone actually kicking their OCD in the course of one year by working with their child on each symptom, but who am I?  I’m just a mom, as I’ve said all along.  I sure do wish it would have been that easy for my daughter.  I don’t mean to imply that any part of this was easy for them, as I know that nothing about this disorder is easy for anyone involved.  I’m truly thankful to hear that anyone could help their child learn to manage their symptoms and move forward.

Through the early years, I read everything I could get my hands on, as she did when her son was diagnosed.  Maybe he was not genetically predisposed as so many are that have so much on-going trouble.  I do know that he suffers from ADHD, so there could have been other issues at play.  However, thankfully, now  OCD will not be one of them.  He’s such a great kid, and incredibly talented.  I’m anxious to watch him move successfully through life!