For all these years, I’ve felt responsible for “remembering” events accurately, and feeling like I was “telling on” our little girl to her various doctors in order to learn how to help her, or teach her how to maneuver her way through her symptoms and give her the “tools” to get through her day when we weren’t together. Now, she’s finally reached an age that she can speak for herself to someone she can entrust all her most personal “secrets”. The things she’s only spoken to ME about all her life can now be shared with a specific someone that knows how to actually “help” her. All the love I hold in my heart for her cannot offer her as much help as this person can. It’s a strange feeling for me since I’ve lived through so much with her, since the very beginning. I’ve been the defender of her privacy, having to decide who needed to “know” and who to leave guessing, and now I feel like I’m “handing-her-off”. These symptoms that have almost taken on a life of their own over the last 16 years. Hmmm….
We were REALLY lucky to be referred by our daughter’s psychiatrist to a clinical psychologist specializing in OCD. The best part, in my opinion, is that she has OCD herself! This completely validates everything she has to say and it has opened the door for pretty much any conversation. My daughter spends the better part of an hour with her, then near the end, they invite me in to discuss what they’ve covered during their visit. I’ll admit that I feel like an outsider for the first time in her life, but I’m trying to be a “big girl” and be thankful that we have this additional help when, just maybe…, reinforcement is not a bad thing.
It’s weird how I long to have help for her and am so thankful to have the help we have, but am also afraid that no one really knows how she actually “ticks”, deep-down, but me. There are so many things that she won’t be able to articulate but that could change the whole “picture”. I need to be available to help when I can but back-off when appropriate. This is a learning experience for both of us. One I wasn’t expecting for myself. I’m confident it’s a very positive thing.